Lost in a Haze

What's going to happen?

Am I not enough?

Why is my love not enough?

I sat in darkness.

The air heavy,

Thick like smoke,

Letting these thoughts race unchecked,

No filters - just noise,

They grew like wild vines,

Twisting with thorns that scraped my skin,

The scent of the damp Earth rising,

as they pulled me under,

The shadows whispered,

Thorns pricked and tore at my arms,

My breath became shallow,

My chest tight,

As I kept asking,

Why is not me?

Images of them-

Laughter like silver bells,

Eyes shining like silver bells that I could never reach-

Flashed through my eyelids,

Each memory stung,

A slot venom curling through my veins,

numbing my fingertips,

Filling me with a silent scream,

I lost myself,

Choking on air too sharp to swallow,

A single tear broke loose,

Warm against my cold cheek,

Trailing down,

dripping into the soil,

Where the vines clung,

The grounds shivered,

The vines recoiled,

Loosening, inch by inch,

With each tear,

The poison thinned- the air grew lighter,

The thorns withered,

Cracking like dry twigs,

Until there was nothing but a flood,

Tears pooling at my feet,

Clear water washing away,

What had once held me captive.

As the last tear fell,

Its ripples spread,

Then calmed,

I stood in silence.

Drew a breath in-deep and trembling,

The scent of rain-soaked leaves around me -

Then exhaled.

I opened my eyes,

To a still, silver lake,

And felt...

At last,

A quiet stillness in my heart.

I put together this poem to explore how love can sting and make you overthink. It reminds me that it's okay to let myself feel all those emotions in the moment. Sometimes, my thoughts take over, running wild and consuming me. There's this excellent quote from Journey of Big Panda and Tiny Dragon by James Norbury: "In some ways, the mind is much like a garden. It needs your care, attention, and effort. Left to its own devices, it will soon become overrun with weeds, and where there are too many weeds, flowers cannot grow." Your mind is super powerful—anyone can come up with a thought faster than the speed of light—but it's also your toughest enemy, needing the most attention.